oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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