Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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