Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
