; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
