I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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