Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
