My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
