I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
