Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Panties = found
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