Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
