Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you never un-have a 4some
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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