Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
