oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
