Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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