I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
