This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
