I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
