As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
