Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
