i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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