i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
