I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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