she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
