i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
