your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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