the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
