i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
