I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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