Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
50% drunk capacity currently
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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