Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
