your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
