I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize