dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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