first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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