he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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