i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
