Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
