Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
