the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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