I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
