Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize