If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
