No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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