I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
