I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
