tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
