I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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