Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
