"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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