The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dignity is for republicans.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to calm my uterus...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
