At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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