Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
