So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
