I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did I show you my penis last night?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
