On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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