im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Terrible idea I love it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
