Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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