i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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