he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
