I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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