The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
