Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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