My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
