theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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