so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
