You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize