i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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