I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize