I smell stomach acid.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
