Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
