I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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