Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
