I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
