Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize