He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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