Cold hands, warm shart.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i need some magic done to my vagina
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize