I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
