just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
