the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
