im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
