I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
