I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
