all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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