I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
