saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
