The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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