life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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