I don't think brook has ever known best
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's always time for handjobs
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize