I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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