and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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