She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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