Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
