You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
