I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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