There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
