Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
