I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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