got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
