Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
