just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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