I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
