Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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