Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize