So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
where am i from again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
